my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
