please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize