What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
