Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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