that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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