his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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