I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
