I'm going to jail i love you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
