I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize