"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
