Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
