Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize