you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
