ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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