Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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