where am i from again
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
