We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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