I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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