You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
