can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
