# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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