I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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