If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
