I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize