like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
