well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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