They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
