I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
