I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i may or may not be watching the land before time
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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