I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize