You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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