I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
