i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize