A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
