i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize