the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
