when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
