Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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