There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
