I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
