I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
