imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My breasts were aching with rage.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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