Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
