Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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