Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
