If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
