so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
