I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
