i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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