im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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