either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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