I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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