worst night to have a conscience
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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