I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
