I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
