when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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