I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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