i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He felt like a one man threesome
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
