he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
