We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
