Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
