What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
