ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
