I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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