he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
