Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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