You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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